Spending half of my lifetime indulging in work and just work... I've came to realized that there are more important things in my life that I should spend my time with, as once I missed or lost it, I will never have another chance to turn back the clock. As such, I've learnt to treasure every moment with them.... Thank you my beloved Grandma, Daddy and Daisy.... you've made me come to know the mistakes I've made before. Though I can never see, talk or hug you now, but I know, you've never left me, just that you've "migrated to Heaven" and are watching over me from above now...
1) All my loved ones to stay healthy
2) Able to take holiday breaks every half yearly
3) To stay happy and positive
4) Buy my own house
5) Set up my own business
6) To do voluntary work for the Elderly
1) To Stay healthy
2) Cheerful
3) Skin no more itchy
4) Fur longer so that can tie nice nice top-knots
5) Mummy will buy me nice top ribbons and bows
6) A stroller
7) Lose weight (both me and Bella)
8) More quality time together
I am getting more emo lately coz was facing some obstacles in life plus Father's Day round the corner and Dad left us 100 days in 6 days time.
Memories of you kept flashing in my mind, your smile, voice, the way you walk, your cooking etc etc... just too much to name.... I am missing you more and more than before....
I am feeling so bad that I have not done enough for you, left you alone for so long coz I was focusing on Grandma. You've tried to pick up hobbies and find new friends when you're lack of attention at home, you've never blamed us nor asked us not to care for Grandma, in fact, you've extended your love to Grandma without hatred, even she has always been scolding you for many years. And Dad, you've won over Grandma's heart, till the last 12 months of her life, she started to appreciate you and knew that you love her.
Mum recently said, you have a kind and golden heart, you love and never hate - even though you've been scolded or yelled at.... thats why, you left without pain. Thats very true.... during the funeral, many of your friends came, and all sing praises about you and your talents and kind heart... I have never felt so proud of you, Dad. Why haven't I spend more time with you, picked up Chinese Calligraphy... I have always been Daddy's gal, and you doted me a lot, whatever i've asked for, you never fail to deliver...oh my.... how i wish I could turn back the clock....
You are my only Daddy and one and only for this life and I have never regretted being your child..... Daddy, i really miss you dearly..... everything at home just remind me of you.... you are always being mentioned in my conversation with me...
Daddy... Mommie has been tearing since you left her, lately, she misses you even more.... she said, you have been a wonderful husband and kind person, no regrets to be your wife for the past 47 years....
For me... I have been crying every night before bed, coz I miss you Dad.....and little Bella also misses her Daddy too...
Dad, come to my dreams, speak to me.... Daddy... do know that you are being loved always by mum and me....
your little gals forever....
jacq and bella
Labels: To my dear Daddy...
Missing him more and more. Many things around my house or even whenever I go downstairs to the coffeeshop, they just have so strong memories of dad. Recently met a uncle (whom I do not know), he resembles like dad so much.... I almost miss a heartbeat... had a second look.... thats not my daddy.... how I wish its just a joke that you have left us....
Daddy.... I just cannot get over you leaving us without a word.... its just too painful to accept.... whats your last word to me? "I thought you are coming to see me... I have things to tell you, but cannot talk on the phone"... I should have rushed down to hear you, why didn't I do that, but just tell you that "I have just gone to see you, just got home, we'll talk tomorrow"... but the "tomorrow" never come, this became your parting word with me, daddy. I am feeling so bad and lousy about this whole thing.... I fee so bad....
This Sunday is Father's Day and my original plan was to bring you to Vivocity for the special steamboat... (I know you like steamboats), but Daddy.... I don;t have the chance now... how am I going to get over a Father's Day without my father with me?
Daddy... this is too heartbreaking...
Dad... I miss you.....
Labels: How to get over this weekend....
Not sure if I am going thru a stage of Depression - which I am praying against it... I jsut feel so demoralised and upset with things that happening around me - my only joy is weekends when I have my full attention with Bella and mum....
I felt so lonely and frustrated and at many times, some people just got on my nerves that I have the "image" in my mind that I am going to "skin this person alive". I get aggitated when I see the person's face and even the name pisses me off - am I going crazy... Oh my..... my heart is just filled with hatred against this person... guess the person must have irritated me so much.... Have never had this hatred before ... I dunno how....
Weekend was a good break... else, i think I will breakdown mentally....
Now... I have been taking deep breathe and telling myself - its ok... bought myself a pack of tea bags called "Happy Moods"... hope that'll help....
Am I being mentally tortured? I dunno.....
Labels: am i going mad?